Page 2, On Becoming Transparent
Of course running into that kind of patronizing, condescending chauvinism is fairly rare these days, but it demands serious notice. As I told Ginny, my next move was to write a letter to the car salesman's boss. That brought me a nice letter of apology from the dealer. Without naming the guilty party, I was able to point out that the lost sale was probably only one among many. I like to think that at the next sales meeting the matter was discussed, and the guilty party made aware of the need to step into the modern world.
"Yeah, right," Ginny said glumly. "And can the leopard change its spots?"
It wasn't long before the subject had both of us so depressed that we began fighting back with an attack of the sillies.
"I'm going to write a book," she said. "I'll call it: The Opacity Index. It'll list things that older women can do to boost their substance and credibility. Like getting cranky and being a little loud when ignored or insulted."
"Or writing angry letters to bosses," I added.
"Or wearing bright colors, so you can't be overlooked.
"Overkill with good manners works for me sometimes," I said. "I find that exaggerated patience and kindly insistence get good results."
"Hunh," she snorted. "Show me a teenager who recognizes good manners. They'll think you're a wimp. It'd be better to try good eye contact. My grandmother could command obedience from a stone with just a flash of her blue eyes."
"No thanks," I said. "You know what they say about challenging stray dogs or criminals by meeting their eyes. Staring someone down can be dangerous."
"How about encouraging natural tendencies to eccentricity? People would respond just to avoid embarrassment and get you out of their lives quickly." There was a guilty pause. I think we both realized we might really enjoy that ploy.
"Too easy," I said at last. "It's important not to look stupid," Ginny said. "Only talk about things you know lots about."
"In some cases," I said, "that would amount to a very short conversation."
"You're not trying," she said severely. "Give me some help, here."
"Well," I said, "I suppose you could ask for advice. It's amazing how much younger people love to feel superior."
"That sounds like those awful 'How To Talk To Boys' articles that girls' magazines used to publish," she said. "You know, the ones that wanted you to ask for help for everything from math homework to changing a flat tire, or talk only about subjects that interest him."
"I have a teenage granddaughter," I reminded her, "and I hate to tell you, but they're still giving that kind of advice."
Ginny looked at me. "I remember those days," she said. "I hated being young. No one took you seriously, and strange grownups treated you like you didn't exist."
I thought for a moment. "And remember how it was when you were in your twenties and thirties, dragging your little children everywhere with you? Hardly anybody offered any sympathy as you struggled to open doors and get the stroller collapsed so you could lever it into the trunk."
"Right," she said. "And nobody made any allowance for all those sleepless nights taking care of children with chicken pox, that time I forgot two parent conferences and a potluck supper for which I had promised to bring homemade bread."
"What about when I went back to work?" I added. "Starting in on the ground level all over again after those years spent mothering at home meant that I didn't get any respect from my so-called peers, all of whom were younger than I."
"Perhaps every age has its moments when you feel transparent," Ginny said.
"I guess so," I said. "But these days there seem to be a lot more of them." Ginny nodded.
"Face it," she said. "What's doing us in is life itself."
"But not always," I said. "Not all the time. There are moments when I feel positively opaque. Solid. Definitely not transparent."
"Right," said Ginny with a smile. "Like right now."
These days there's lots of talk about the Baby Boomers' arrival at the age of 50+. Perhaps they will bring a shift in the public's attitude to older women. After all, look what their large numbers did for the youth culture of the '60's. There's a part of me that resents needing their help in this matter, but a larger part that will be grateful for it. I just hope that they remember who was here first. If they do, we may finally get some respect!
