Page Two
Favorite catalogs are set aside to consider at my leisure. The problem here lies with my inability to make a decision and select one item over the others, when I want something out of these wish-books for myself. Even moderately priced jewelry can sure add up in a heartbeat!
I can't think of anyone on my gift list who might enjoy a battery operated, motorized, plastic ice cream cone this year. Nor has a situation ever come up when I found myself desperately yearning that I had a pocket laser light show, complete with a wrist strap and fold-out stand. That leads me to assume my friends haven't written a letter to Santa Claus for it either.
If you ever find yourself in need of a set of adult-sized floral dragonfly wings, I know right where to look. This same company offers a rhinestone handcuff bracelet, an Egyptian Usekh collar, which goes quite well with the golden Wings of Isis cape, and a natural healing bracelet constructed of turquoise, coral, yak bone, brass, copper, and nickel. (I'm thinking it didn't help the yak much.) Allow me to set the record straight, in case there are any doubts; while I admit to looking, I have never placed an order from this eclectic publication! It still remains a mystery how I got on this mailing list.
I doubt that I will purchase the green argyle tapestry pillow with the hot-pink leopard print accents, but it did catch my eye and make me smile. The witticism on the front reads, "I'll have a café; mocha vodka valium latte to go, please!" Then again, it would send a pretty clear message if Mike entered the room and found me fiercely clutching the stuffing out of it. "Honey, where did you say you keep your therapist's phone number?" Now while I might consider purchasing a solar powered birdbath fountain for my feathered friends, I need to draw the line at providing heated water during the winter. I have faith that those birds who don't migrate south have survived just fine throughout the centuries without a day spa.
I've noticed a trend in the technology market this year. The USB port on your computer has the ability to provide new levels of amusement and creature comforts. Remember those lava lamps of the 1960s? Now you can plug in a smaller version glitter lamp with a brushed silver-toned base and watch the colors change continuously. Pretty, but I am already too easily distracted. The USB lights and garland set is unfortunately limited to the holiday season, unless you are also in the habit of leaving the Christmas lights up on the eaves of your house until Valentine's Day. The eighteen red LED lights and six ribbons might buy you some extra time, but the snowflakes and jingle bells will be a dead giveaway.
This next item is several notches higher up on the cuteness scale. How about a retro-designed upright vacuum cleaner only 8" tall with a 45" cord attached to the USB port? The moveable handle on this brown and beige colored model moves from upright to almost flat to keep your workspace free of dust and crumbs. There is no mention of where to purchase tiny vacuum cleaner bags, however. You can shred paper right on top of your desk with the 6" long mini paper shredder, if you like folding your documents in half first to make them fit. Maybe the USB beverage warmer/chiller is more practical for you. This device will keep your favorite drink warm or cool as you slave away at your desk.
I wish the USB missile launcher had been invented before I retired. This one is high tech enough to require an installation CD, but is so worth it. The control program allows you to rotate the cannon 360°; and raises the barrel as high as 45°. It fires three foam missiles in excess of 10';. The sound effects can be turned off if you'd rather operate in stealth mode when you launch an attack over the cubical wall. It sure would have added an intriguing element to those rubber band fights I remember so fondly. I';ve left the best for last: the 9" USB mini tower fan! Plug it in, drop in the ice pack (included), and enjoy a cool, gentle breeze. Now we're talking business. I can see this as my companion throughout most of the year. Say goodbye to heat rash! Where was this invention when I struggled through menopause years ago? Someone should consider fabricating accessory shoulder straps so users can wear it directly against the chest like those sling-styled baby carriers. Simply add a battery pack when you need to be away from the computer and voila, experience freedom and comfort! Hand over that order blank and checkbook, please.
Prior to dropping my order in the outgoing mail, I'd like to humbly offer our sympathy and a public apology to our dedicated mail carrier, for the excess pounds of printed material she routinely supplies to our home. She unfailingly sees to it that we get exactly what's coming to us, (neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night will stop her, of course). Do you like hickory-smoked sausage, Barbara, or would you prefer a dishwasher and microwave safe, personalized coffee mug?
Editor's Note: A few of Roberta's favorite catalogs
http://www.signals.com is the catalog I wear out ... love all the braclets with affirmations engraved on them!
http://www.discoverystore.com is a bit of everything, but always educational fun.
http://www.olddurhamroad.com is a new one this year; described as "English Country Living" products.
http://www.herrschners.com covers all kinds of yarn, some stitchery kits & misc.
http://www.spilsbury.com add some of the USB gifts
http://www.whateverworks.com. Both are new catalogs in our mailbox. Lots of gadgets.
http://www.gardeners.com has a wide assortment, ranging from practical to whimsical.
Check them out and use at your discretion.
©2008 Roberta McReyolds for SeniorWomen.com
