by Linda Jay Geldens

I believe now that I was in shock for three years after Dick died, despite the fact that we had been preparing for his death for over a year. For the first several months, like most new widows, I was operating on autopilot — just going through the motions of living. I found that hospice and widows’support groups had a very negative effect on me, making me even more depressed.

The most help I got in grieving and healing was from one-on-one counseling, talks with trusted friends, reading, thinking, lots of time alone, and talking to others in the AOL Widows and Widowers Chat Room. I only had two girlfriends who were widows. Later, I found out through research that the average age of widows in the US is 56.

I started dating 8 months after Dick died (much to some friends’ surprise) because that’s when I was ready. I had not dated in nearly 25 years, and did not know how to go about it. I also did not know that all the dating rules of 25 years ago had disappeared. But I was angry and outraged that I was single again in my late 50s. It did not feel right. Being part of a couple felt right. My first date came from an ad I put in the Bay Guardian newspaper, in which I said I adored jazz. A nice divorced guy from Palo Alto who also adored jazz responded to the ad and we dated for several months.

Read more at http://www.seniorwomen.com/articles/articlesGeldensBride.html

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